Who am I?
As a forewarning, this is going to sound like a stream of consciousness more than a cohesive article at some points, but bear with me.
We are all very complicated individuals. We have our likes and dislikes. We have our hatred and our adoration. We have our joy and despair. Throughout life, we learn to balance all of those each and every day. Too much joy, and you can’t see danger around you. Too much despair, and you can’t appreciate life around you. What unites us all besides our blood, sweat, tears, and bone is a desire to be loved. That desire to be loved makes us all do crazy things.
We may try to get back with an ex because they made our heart flutter. We may work a job that doesn’t pay our worth because they compliment us. We may even give one person an exception we don’t give another. This last point is the key to me. As I live, I always wonder why people contradict their words sometimes. Why in neutrality, we always pick a side (no matter how subtle it is). Why, when we pick a side we become entrenched in it. I know many times I may say or do things that I wouldn’t like if the shoe were on the other foot. Many of us have, it’s almost a part of nature.
My thought is that we are hypocrites in nature. They hypocrisy mainly stems from the fact that we don’t want to lose a connection with someone or something for whatever reason. A person may tell their friend to leave their cheating other, but they’re still with someone who cheats on them. A relative may have wild world views, but they’re accepted as ‘eccentric’ rather than disowned. In essence, no matter what happens people don’t consistently practice what they preach. Life has a way of throwing a wrench into ideals. Most people would rather work around someone’s issues and flaws as opposed to cutting them off completely. It’s because no matter how bold we may appear on the outside, we still need that connection with others.
I think for me personally, I work hard to try and be perfect. I don’t want to anger anybody or come off the wrong way. But it eats me alive sometimes. In essence, I don’t want to be a hypocrite. Writing this stream of consciousness has taught me that to be human, you are hypocritical and complex. You have your great days when your morals align with practices and other days when they don’t. I have to embrace the bad days when I’m not perfect to appreciate the good days even more. But that is not just me. That is all of us. And while it may be relatively obvious, sometimes it just needs to be spelled out.
So, I know who I am. I’m accepting the complexities and hypocrisies of who I am. Do you know who you are? Do you accept yourself?